my neurosis is so bad today that i can’t manage to do some really simple things i need to take care of. it’s always the things that require me to be out in public. people around here stare way too much, not just at me but at anyone. i can’t focus on whatever i’m doing if i’m around too many people because i just don’t like being looked at.
i’ve been playing a lot of Fortnite recently. it’s really fun. sure i feel bad spending so much time on something so uninteresting and repetitive, with the only real gratification being killing opponents and collecting cosmetics, but i enjoy it too much to stop. plus it’s a long-standing tradition with me and my friends.
i’ve also been playing Narcissu. i’m not big on visual novels, but i’m trying to be. it’s supposed to be relatively brief (much like it’s characters ha) so i’m using it as an introduction to the genre. i’m pretty engrossed with it so far. it’s these sorts of melancholic, masochistic stories that i’m into. i might write a review when i’m done, but i’m unsure because my reviews are pretty bad and i doubt i could write anything meaningful. i’m not very good with words.
i’m wondering if i should post these blog entries late at night so i can adequately log the day’s events. it would make for more interesting entries since my life is very dull.
i feel like the wired is all i have. being holed up in my room like i am, it’s the only place i can share with others and make connections, albeit parasocial ones. i yearn for real connections. however, my friends are few, and there’s not much opportunity offline to make more, not for lack of trying.
almost as if a higher being heard my cries, the wifi router in our house spontaneously died and can’t be replaced for a few days. (luckily i have a good data plan on my phone so i can still code from it.) someone out there is praying for my downfall (ಥ﹏ಥ)